JRT, Donny E Brook, Stickman, American and Football?? Surely those two words don't go together. I am aware of a game played predominantly in the New World which involves men in suits of plastic armour kicking the s--t out of one another. We also have a game in which the rules are very similar called Rugby Union, except our chaps don't get to wear any armour. In this game such items as noses and ears can be bitten off, though it is not, as far as I am aware, in the rules. But it hardly mimics the poetic beauty of Association Football when played at the highest level. Football is the worlds favourite sport. Notice the terms "Foot" and "Ball", which naturally imply that one propels the "Ball" with ones "Foot", and not ones "Hand". This is why we call it Football, and not "Soccer", which is a game played by American high school girls. As for the toilet roll, I remember an old Sergeant of mine who used to say "ain't no rest rooms in the combat area, lads. No bog roll? Tough, use grass. Or your F-----g index finger" He was, naturally, of the old school. I'd far rather have had him on my side than a whole box of bog rolls.
