Looks like I won't be at Westminster Abbey on the 29th April after all.
1,900 invites have been sent out and nothing has landed on my doorstep except a pile of cat-sh*t from the ginger tom next door.
That's it then. I'm not being taken for a mug.
The Peppa Pig pocket watch with snorting chimes and inscribed KM, goes back to the Discount Centre and the 'Happy Couple' holiday for two at the Benghazi Hilton which cost me 17,000 Tesco loyalty points is going on Ebay.
'Find your enemy and shoot him down - everything else is unimportant.'
