Bravo, catch! Cinematic genius! And now for a cinematic Guinness to go with it. Reminds me of one of my early film endeavors from back in the old OFF days, (over nine years ago now, how time does fly, and in much the same way a Camel does). Enjoy!
Haha that's brilliant Lou, you give alcoholics everywhere a far better name with that sort of jaunt. Much like this chap....."I'll tell you what Bert, I've got a stonking idea, I'm going to land in that tree over there and pretend to be a bird. The German's will never spot us"
So, we take off in ten minutes, we're in the air for twenty minutes, which means we should be dead by twenty five to ten.
Which one of you fine Gentlemen parked his kite beside mine? How will I know which one is mine now?
Commiserations to the new victims. Now, where is my spot on the floor? There it is! I'd recognize that stain anywhere.
"Take the cylinder out of my kidneys, The connecting rod out of my brain, my brain, From out of my arse take the camshaft, And assemble the engine again."
Chaps! I SAID CHAPS!! Get off the floor and rearrange your trousers. No, I mean pull 'em up. HD's back offering drinks! Lou, one of your drinking songs please ….
Have I missed much, boys? Had a bit of shuteye in the mess cloakroom. Think the water in the whisky was a little off, you know. Damnable stuff, water. Only good for putting under bridges. Lou, sorry about the greatcoat. It will come right off with a bit of elbow grease. Ah, Catch! Welcome. Saw your last picture. Splendid stuff. Did I miss a round?
How marvelous. Another weekend is fast upon us and we have so many fresh bar tabs we can continue to take liberties with. But as it is still morning I shall have a fresh hot cuppa' with just a splash of the Tullamore Dew, if you would be so kind. Must pace myself you know, don't want to wind up in low places before happy hour.
Bumped into some American chappie who gifted me something called 'bon bon' or was it 'Bourbon'... strange stuff, but it does the job alright. He told me to mix a little honey in it for a better effect... by jove it's good stuff. By the way I've hidden the bottle in the mess... bet you lot can't find it!
Found it! Very clever Trooper, hiding it in the hole in wall behind the picture of King George V. Your mistake was when you replaced said picture you hung it right side up. It always hangs upside down so that we can better salute it just before passing out.
Found it! Very clever Trooper, hiding it in the hole in wall behind the picture of King George V. Your mistake was when you replaced said picture you hung it right side up. It always hangs upside down so that we can better salute it just before passing out.
Sorry chaps I'm a bit ginned up, tight as a nun's habit. Spifflicated. So it was like this see … while HD crawled around the floor singing tearfully about a girl darning his socks or summat, Trooper and me binged on his yank whisky last night! Cor, before you know it we were smashing furniture, stuffing Lou's ceremonial robe into the hole behind George's head and boarding it up and chucking chairs through the windows. And playing snooker with the initiation bat! Can't remember who won that one? But talk about larf! Haven't had this much fun since the worn obturator rings blew a cylinder right off the old clerget 5 miles over. Anyway, must dash. Send the cleanup bill to Troopers batman. He's a stout fellow so Trooper tells me and will take care of it with the utmost tact and diplomacy. Cheerio!
Tact and diplomacy has been initiated... Lou's robe has been returned, (sorry for the stain... Mullard, my batman, says you can hardly notice it now), and he's on his way to town as we speak as he has already done a little deal to obtain some rather nice antiquated chairs... (20 Squadron will hardly notice they are missing apparently) ... and my head hurts if anyone is interested!
hmmmm, well, as long as my robe has been returned and replacement furniture is on the way, (and Trooper, all our heads hurt, so stop your whimpering). But what about the windows, we just put new butcher's paper in those last week. What bothers me most is the disrespect shown our most hallowed BOC relic, the cricket bat - playing snooker with it?! This transgression shall not stand. All those involved in said snooker game will be dealt with most harshly, or rather their bar tabs will. Though now that I think further about it, after dealing with said bar tabs a game of snooker may well be played on the offenders' collective arses with the sacred cricket bat - poetic justice if you will.
Hey, wait a tic! I had half of a perfectly good cigar and a stick of gum in the pocket of my robe, along with two shillings and the blip switch from Robert's plane - you bunch of thieves.
Hmmmm from where did I acquire this cheap, foul smelling stogie? My flannels are ruined. " Jenkins! Get these disinfected now there's a good chap. What's that? Two shillings! Put 'em next to the blip switch." Good Lord, what's this on the spittle encrusted side!
"Property of smudged head executive director and extraordinary leader of the B smudged Club, holder and custodian of the bat, dispenser of justice, master of ceremonies and robe wearer of distinction. If found, please return in good condition to the quarters of the distinquished and chisel featured gentleman Mr smudged at No. smudged Camelcourt Dr smudged smudged."
Blast! Who is this? Sounds a little barmy to me.
"Jenkins, get onto Mullard and see if he can make some sense of it! Oh leave the stogie here. I'm out of woodbines"
Fellow club members, as it is my birthday today I am standing everyone to a drink, not on my bill mind you, but still it's the thought that counts. At some point during the festivities, (no rush of course), one of you may want to check on catch as he seems to have gotten himself locked in the outdoor privy. How he got the Crossley backed up against the door after he was inside is a mystery to me, but there you are. I wouldn't be concerned at all about his situation if it weren't for the fact that a badger has taken up residence underneath said privy and has a nasty habit of coming up through one of the portals if anyone lingers in there too long, which is why most of us have abandoned the thing. Ah well, I'm sure catch will be fine, he is such a resourceful chap. Thoughtful too, leaving his tab open for all of us to enjoy during his temporary absence. Drink up lads. BWOC BWOC BWOC!
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