homepage Forums Air Combat & Civil Aviation Wings: Over Flanders Fields The Barmy OFFers Club: Have you what it takes to be one of the daft, the touched, the Barmy?

S! S! S! S! S!... I'm not saluting... that's how many Oatmeal stouts I want in 'Benny Hill' speak ! Oh... welcome to the club... you'll be sorr... I mean ... love it!

Where is Nowi anyway? Was it his mess bill or the cricket bat that scared him off?

I'm here! Had a virtual hangover. Flying two careers means that I spend twice as many nights getting plastered.

Somebody get them drunk already! I mean, let the initiations begin...

Well, we can at least tell real jokes.

The Rittmeister is KIA and goes to heaven. He reaches the Pearly Gates and is ordered to halt by St. Peter. "What's the problem," MvR asks? "Can't let you in!" "What? I'm the leading aerial ace of the war. I wear the Blue Max! What do you mean I can't get in?" "You're a Rittmeister," St. Peter answers. "You have to be on a horse. Back you go!"

Well, von Richthofen floats through the ether and lands in the Berliner Dom on a Sunday, sitting in a pew right next to the Kaiser himself. The Kaiser is in shock, when he sees von Richthofen. :What is this? Why are you here? You're ... todt!"

MvR explains what happens and the Kaiser loses his temper. "How dare that upstart refuse entry to one of this country's most decorated heroes!" The Kaiser grabs MvR by the arm and the two men head from the Dom back to the Pearly Gates.

When they arrive, an angry Kaiser demands that St. Peter open the gates for von Richthofen. St. Peter shakes his head. "Why won't you let this Blue Max recipient in?" the Kaiser demands to know. "Well," St. Peter answers, for one he doens't follow directions. I told him to come back with a horse and he returned with a jackass!"

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OK, now that was funny!

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I don’t get it. (Drops back on the floor).

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Fullofit, there's this guy, Mister Ritt, and he's driving his Kia to a Pearl Jam concert, but he can't get through the gate, I think because he lost his ticket. So this other guy, I think his name is Max, is trying to help him get past this other guy, Peter Saint-somebody-or-other who I'm guessing is the bouncer. Anyway, this Peter guy tell's 'em they can't come in unless they bring some whores with them, so they go back and on the way they get hungry and pick up some kaiser rolls and cold cuts so they can make hero sandwiches, and --- no wait --- first they go and get their jackets and then --- no wait --- I swear I just had it. Let me get another pint'a and I'll sort it out. It's funny though, it really is.

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I know Max! But I don’t know this Peter guy. Was he in the Navy? (Attempts to reach a bottle. Fails miserably.)

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RNAS I think. I heard he got his wings.

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Oh you mean Pete from Bristol. Good guy.

Nah, he’s RNAS. He’s the bloke from Felixtowe.

Lou you just aint right LOL!

Back in the mess - drinks are on me!

SCHWELL! I'll just crawl out from under thish table here an' shaddle me upta thu bar, and.. <flump>

What’s all this banter...and all these empty gasses and steins? Groggily... I look up from my self induced nap behind the bar surrounded by empty and half drank bottles of Spirits and ale including some unknown size 12 shoe impressions outlined on my flight jacket! I think my wallet has been totally vacuumed of it’s thickish banknotes!! I awoke due to the roar of laughter by this fine lot to Nowi’s and Lou’s jokes! I must pick up where I left off? Did Sir Robert hide the cricket bat or did he take them home to sand and put a new coat of varnish on them?

Oh, the Cricket bat, yes, um, I believe it is in the stock room where I last remember using it to stir up some fine gin! Gee, I wonder if the C.O. is still trying to locate all those missing potatoes?

I shall retrieve it at once! Who will be the lucky recipient of it's attention?

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Excellent! Robert and the sacred bat have rejoined us after an extended, and unexcused, absence - but as gin production was involved all is forgiven. Now then, where are our most recent members? You lot go grab Nowi and Dark_Canuck, and Sailor_Steve as well, I don't believe any of them have been properly beaten, eer-uum, initiated yet. Pile up the furniture lads, time to add some more boot prints to the ceiling!

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The varnish seems to have been stripped off this bat.
How strong was this gin you mention?

Did we drink it? Might explain a lot.

Just don't lick it or you'll go blind.